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Have you looked today?

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October 23, 2012 by vlittle528

We go through our days with our to-do lists. School schedules, dinner, homework, bath and bedtimes. We do our best to spend time with our family, to make sure they are happy, and to do the best by them. The weeks are long and the years are short. Each time yearly events come back around, such as Halloween, we think of the last time we did the same event. We remember how small our children were last year. We look at those sweet faces that change so much in a year, we reminisce and miss the days that have passed.

As we walked through a trick or treat street this year, my daughter gripped on my hand tightly. My son just kind of meandered ahead, doing his own thing and groaning “moooooom!” when I touched his head. I thought back to when HE was the one gripping my hand. When the only thing that made him feel safe was his hand firmly in mine. We went through very mild haunted house, and my daughter whined a bit and reached up for me to hold her. Considering when she reaches up she can just about touch my shoulders, I usually tell her no. But I stopped for a second, and then reached down and picked her up. How many more times will this happen? How long until my baby doesn’t want me to hold her anymore? In the next blink of my eyes will she be rolling her eyes as she stomps out the door to her boyfriend’s car? Was it really so long ago that my son spent his Halloween in Children’s Hospital after surgery?

With these thoughts firmly in my mind, I intentionally left my phone in my purse while we ate dinner together at a nearby Tokyo Joe’s. Well, I take that back, I took the phone out to take their picture but I didn’t even post it until we were done :).

I realize that in my daily haste, I sometimes forget to look. I answer their questions, I hug them quickly, I listen well cooking dinner. But sometimes I forget to really LOOK at my children. And then I remember, and I spend the next couple of days truly looking, memorizing their faces and their features. Imprinting their expressions and smiles in my mind and heart. I pay attention to the hugs (usually earning a “mommmm, let go!), I kiss a little more, I love a little deeper.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I always knew that doing so would change my life forever. But I never quite grasped the magnitude of the love involved in being a parent. There was no way to know the wonderment, fear, responsibility, emotion and miraculousness that would become my life. Their pain truly is mine (sometimes I think I feel it more), their accomplishments are my pride, their years are my life.

So I just want to look. I want to look and memorize each day. I want to look and admire the beauty that my body has made. And I want to treasure each second. Because you never know when that second is your last. We go through our days with our to-do lists. School schedules, dinner, homework, bath and bedtimes. We do our best to spend time with our family, to make sure they are happy, and to do the best by them. The weeks are long and the years are short. Each time yearly events come back around, such as Halloween, we think of the last time we did the same event. We remember how small our children were last year. We look at those sweet faces that change so much in a year, we reminisce and miss the days that have passed.

As we walked through a trick or treat street this year, my daughter gripped on my hand tightly. My son just kind of meandered ahead, doing his own thing and groaning “moooooom!” when I touched his head. I thought back to when HE was the one gripping my hand. When the only thing that made him feel safe was his hand firmly in mine. We went through very mild haunted house, and my daughter whined a bit and reached up for me to hold her. Considering when she reaches up she can just about touch my shoulders, I usually tell her no. But I stopped for a second, and then reached down and picked her up. How many more times will this happen? How long until my baby doesn’t want me to hold her anymore? In the next blink of my eyes will she be rolling her eyes as she stomps out the door to her boyfriend’s car? Was it really so long ago that my son spent his Halloween in Children’s Hospital after surgery?

With these thoughts firmly in my mind, I intentionally left my phone in my purse while we ate dinner together at a nearby Tokyo Joe’s. Well, I take that back, I took the phone out to take their picture but I didn’t even post it until we were done :).

I realize that in my daily haste, I sometimes forget to look. I answer their questions, I hug them quickly, I listen well cooking dinner. But sometimes I forget to really LOOK at my children. And then I remember, and I spend the next couple of days truly looking, memorizing their faces and their features. Imprinting their expressions and smiles in my mind and heart. I pay attention to the hugs (usually earning a “mommmm, let go!), I kiss a little more, I love a little deeper.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I always knew that doing so would change my life forever. But I never quite grasped the magnitude of the love involved in being a parent. There was no way to know the wonderment, fear, responsibility, emotion and miraculousness that would become my life. Their pain truly is mine (sometimes I think I feel it more), their accomplishments are my pride, their years are my life.

So I just want to look. I want to look and memorize each day. I want to look and admire the beauty that my body has made. And I want to treasure each second. Because you never know when that second is your last.

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