March 30, 2013 by vlittle528
Marriage is certainly not a job (and yes, I meant to use that word) for the weak. I don’t care if you are the wife or the husband or whatever. I know that I am a p-i-t-a to my husband. I know that he can’t stand when I put down my empty salad bowls and he has to smell the balsamic vinegar. I know that he hates it when I just hang up the phone because I am angry–though in my defense I do this so I won’t call him a mean name I will feel bad about later. I know he hates it when I sit outside the bathroom door banging on it. In fairness I do this because, seriously, who needs to be in there for a half an hour or more? In short, I know that I piss the man off, too.
But sometimes when he says something it is so ridiculous that I don’t know what to do other than shake my head. Sometimes it is SO ridiculous I just have to walk away. That happened this week.
I don’t make friends easily. Either I push someone away or I simply protect my heart a bit too much. I was telling my husband that a new friend and I were really getting along and our kiddo’s LOVED her son and daughter. I said I hoped that our kids would be friends for awhile since we are on the same track at school and we get along etc etc. That man had the brain-fart to actually say to me “well, just don’t tell her too much about yourself, like your anxiety. It ends up feeling like a burden.” Ahem….what did you say?
I literally sat there for a second with my mouth hanging open, closed it before the first thought came shooting out of my mouth and walked away. He got a bit upset, asking me to come back because he didn’t mean to say it that way. And the thing is, he probably didn’t. But I also knew he didn’t GET it. He didn’t get why this hurt me, nor did he get what was going through my mind and just as he couldn’t support me the way he was trying to, I couldn’t explain what I was thinking and make him understand.
Trust me, my husband is VERY understanding of my anxiety (and really my personality in general, lol). So when he says it was a burden, my head may have said he meant it was a burden on him, but my heart knows differently. I know that even if it is rough on him and our family sometimes he doesn’t really consider it a BURDEN.
After a good night of sleep, I realized I actually handled the situation pretty well. Had this been our second year of marriage, this would have probably ended in tears and yelling and silent treatments. The longer we are married, though, the more I am able to pick my battles. More important than that, though, I realize that he isn’t necessarily Shakespeare with his words. When we were dating, he used to tell me that he wasn’t one of the guys from my romance shows. That statement used to make me mad, but now I understand what he is saying.
The man may not be the best with words, but he is also the man that shoveled a path for my beloved teeny dog because he knew it would make me happy. He is also the man who brought me Midol to bed when I lay there whining that my cramps were horrible. He is the man who remembers that I like Honey Mustard with my quesadilla. He is the man who tells my kids to be quiet when I have finally been worn too thin and need to sleep. It isn’t the big grandiose gestures that we should be looking for. It is the small acts. The little things that show us that our spouses really do know us and love us.
It is living in the moments.