January 19, 2016 by vlittle528
It happened a lot quicker than I thought it would. Not the ‘grab my heart and rock my world’ overwhelming life that I have been wanting, but the moment where I looked in another woman’s eyes and saw the desperation and pain and heard the words I have been anguishing over as well. “I’m just so lost.”. A simple four words that hold a tidal wave of emotion behind them.
In her glimmering tears I saw myself. I saw those moments of desperation and feeling like I was a bit crazy and knowing that I am still too young to be blaming my bursts of tears on some age-related biological function. I saw the desire to be held and comforted by the God that is so loving and the confusion over why He isn’t giving me this attention I have been asking for.
And in that moment I realized that I am a lot further along than I thought I was. I am still in the newborn stage of my spiritual growth but I have passed that first conception stage. I certainly don’t have a wealth of knowledge to offer my new friend, but I do have a shoulder and a heart that understands.
To kick the year off, my D-group (which is like a bible study with a double-shot of espresso) chose a word, a verse and a spiritual goal for the year. After much soul-searching, bible reading, sermon-listening and verse-searching I found mine. Well, I found another one. My fellow D-group ladies had to help me because I chose an unfitting verse at first which just reiterated how perfect my final verse was.
WORD: This initially seemed like it would be the easiest but it ended up changing until it fit. It started as fear. I know-not the most positive of words to start with but my fear is something that keeps me from getting closer to God. I have a “but what if it doesn’t” answer for everything. And then it was trust. Because trust is a huge issue for me-even when it comes to God. And then I read a line in a book called Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin.
“The heart cannot love what the mind does not know.
That simple sentence was a light bulb (or maybe more of a ‘duh!’) moment. And it led me to my final word for the year. KNOWLEDGE.
VERSE: So I briefly mentioned above that my D-group ladies had to help me find the verse because apparently the first one I thought might fit referred to special gifts or talents or something like that. So I read the other ones the ladies offered. One fit….but it didn’t FIT. But then one did…
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12-2.
SPIRITUAL GOAL: Whew! If I thought the first two were hard this seemed near impossible! But I fumbled through, because that is what I committed to do. I had a lot of flitty resolution-type things that couldn’t really be measured so I would always hit my goal YAY! But then I decided to get real.
- Spend at the BARE minimum 10 minutes a day in my bible. I have to be realistic, some days are rough. I can do ten minutes on a bad day, though.
- Journal (personally and on here) weekly at minimum about my progress and thoughts.
- Complete an in-depth study with my church and go through the New Testament with D-group. Already making progress!
- Read at least 3 books about spiritual journeys, studying the bible, or something of similar nature. I am currently reading Women of the Word, I have heard great things about A Case for Christ so that is on the list, and of course something by my beloved Tara-Leigh though I don’t know which I will read yet. I am also very open to some suggestions so suggest away!
It may sound simple, but I am starting at zero so this is actually pretty big. And it is realistic, which is so very important in goal-setting.
And maybe, just maybe, at the end of this year I can look back through my journal and realize that I am a lot further than I thought I would be. Maybe I will have had that ‘world-rocking’ moment. And maybe my heart will be able to start loving what my mind does know.